Give up!...Baggage that is.

Giving up is hard! As a matter of fact it is often the opposite of what life is for an American. We have resolve. We are solid. We never give up! We consider giving up a weakness, a failure something to be scorned or shamed. I guess that is why it is so hard to give things over to God. Even though He is “GOD” if you know what I mean. This big, nothing bothers Him, massive entity in the sky who could not possibly understand or imagine what it means to experience a “give up” moment. Can you remember the last time you had to give something up? I can. I remember big things and small things, every time I was faced with these decisions I found it to be very difficult. From giving up a favorite toy as a child to surrendering a dream to the unknown, giving up, surrender is hard! How could God understand that humiliation; that gut wrenching pain of the loss? Thinking back some years I remember a time when I was faced with such a possibility. As a sophomore in college I was dating my wife and we ran into a crossroads with our budding relationship. It was one of those major impasses that threaten to end our connection. I remember sitting in my car during one of those heated moments of discussion with her and feeling like I was going to throw up. I mean I was about to literally hurl at the very thought of losing Heather. It made me so ill I went back to my room later and just laid out on bed all night. The very thought, very real possibility of “giving up” my relationship with my soon to be wife, seemed to be too much. More than I could bear and so much I felt it physically. I think that is why we carry so many bags from life’s journeys. I think it’s because the many roads we have traveled have not just brought with it experience and memories but a burden that has caused us to walk weighted down. I think it’s because we believe that giving it up is more costly than taking it along. And as hard as it is to carry that bag, it’s as hard if not harder to drop that bag! If that is you, let me share something that helped me a lot! It was the simple scripture that told me… “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses…” (Hebrews 4:15). Who is that high priest the writer is talking about? Jesus Christ! God, who came down to earth to not just experience life through our eyes, but to do it without making a single mistake! Wow, the writer continues … “but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.” Pretty bold statement but one that also brings with it as much comfort as it does boldness. It tells me that I can trust this big, up in the sky God with my surrender and baggage! It tells me, if I will believe it that I can check my baggage with someone who cares and understands ME! That is a good starting point in putting down something that is really heavy. “God, help me today to realize that which weighs me down and to be willing to let it go. I realize that I am not certain if I can let it go. I know there is a lot of concern in who will take care of my baggage, but I want to give it over. I need your strength and delivering power to walk away and be free. Jesus, I receive your freedom for my life, thank you—Amen!” Good start, lets keep following Jesus together!

Limit Sex to Marriage

Principle number 7, LIMIT SEX TO MARRIAGE
How would you answer the following question: “What’s the Biggest Mistake Your Can Make?” I am sure answers would abound from across the spectrum. I would chime in that at least in the top ten biggest mistakes you could make, next to eating apple jacks instead of corn pops, would be marrying the wrong person. Volkswagen made a classic commercial a few years ago on the sticky subject of marrying the wrong person. Point blank – if you do not marry well, you will not live well. And it is through that emotional treadmill of living day to day with someone we don’t love that we start to look for relief. And since sexual fulfillment is a very core basic need you and I often look to that to release some stress and feel better about our poor situations. So we might take a casual glance at a tightly wrapped body walking by, do a google search for videos, or find a person that will understand where we are coming from. And in those little decisions that stem from our hearts we make the biggest mistakes of our lives. Sure we find ways to hide them, to keep them away from our personal headlines, but eventually we will miss step and it will come out. “For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.” (Luke 8:17) Nothing, ouch! That means every bad decision you have made in your life the past will eventually be exposed. The physical affair, or emotional affair will come out! My old pastor used to say “there is no such thing as a secret!” So true! I added to it, there is only time of disclosure! Just give it enough time and what you thought no one would ever know is now known by everyone! See the stuff we have to do when no one is looking is the makings of our biggest mistakes. We think we can do something and get away with it but we forget that the one who created everything keeps His eye on us. “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” (Hebrews 4:13) When I read that as a teen…well let’s just say it messed me up. Because up to that point in my life I was making decisions that needed to be kept secret, otherwise I would have never done them. And right there is the point. If you are about to do something and question if you should do it, a good filter is simply this: “how would I react if it was known for all to see?” My guess those bad decisions done in secret would clean up real fast!!! Because if you have to hide it, chances are it’s not a good idea! Run away from it! Pulling back from the panoramic life view and focusing back on marriage, one thing is for sure: “It’s only as good as you are putting into it!” Marriage is much more than a piece of paper tucked away in a filing cabinet or a “status” on your tax return. It’s a framework in which gives you the best opportunity to live out God’s standards. Your vows where not to each other, but to God and He is telling you it was not a list of rules but an expression of your hope, intention, purpose and promise. It’s a binding covenant. So, next time you find yourself exacerbated at your wife, or feel defeated in terms of maintaining your enthusiasm for the union, take a moment and remember your marriage vows. If we will remember our covenants in the context of commitment beyond feelings then your marriage becomes very difficult to betray.

Here are 10 ways to joyfully keep your marriage vows (from All-Pro Dad –written for guys but I think you ladies can get some good stuff from it as well :-)

1. Continually reaffirm your love: Immediately, within moments of reading this, contact your wife and tell her you are so grateful she married you and that she is the light of your life.
2. Love your wife with fierceness and determination: “Fierce” in this context means with passion. Passion, like love, often relies on intention before it gets going under its own steam.
 3. Learn this definition of “faithfulness” by heart: Faithfulness means fidelity, constancy, dependability, dedication, loyalty, trueness, advocacy and – here it is again – determination.
 4. Find your favorite picture of you and your wife together, put it in a new frame, and place it on your desk: Then, take a photograph of your desk and send it to your wife along with a soppy love note
5. Write out the marriage vows, in your best handwriting, in a letter to your wife: Learn this and learn it well. Handwritten notes are golden. Tell her how much these vows mean to you. Then get home early.
6. Break the vows down into bullet points (yeah, just like a guy!): Then, every day, do something profound to support each point until you’ve gone through them all. Then, start over.
7. Paraphrase your vows into a new, contemporary, document: For example, if you said, “for richer for poorer,” you might write, “I’m committed to you no matter what; if this house was repossessed tomorrow I’d still have a home because you are my home…”
8. Understand that the definition of love is not the same as the definition of infatuation: Long-term commitment is the most profound expression of love. If you’re looking for hormones to drive the relationship, you will both be increasingly disappointed. When commitment leads the way, infatuation takes care of itself.
9. Calculate the number of days you have been married, write the number down, then ask your wife on a date to celebrate the number! Joy is most often found in the small things. Take note of these small things, then relate them to the initial set of vows.
10. Make your own “Top-10” list: Write down ten ways that being married and keeping your promises has bought happiness, peace and joy into your life. Then share the list with your wife.

Principle number 6, DON’T KILL HUMANS

Unless you are a convicted murderer or have taken another humans life in malice you may feel like that you got this one down. Almost like “fewwww…I am safe here!” I am so far gone from violating this principle, I don’t even kill the bugs in my house, I would never hurt another human being!

Really…..I said the same thing until read the words of Jesus in Matthew chapter 5. Here is a glimpse “…"Do not murder" and "A murderer must be brought to trial." But I promise you that if you are angry with someone, you will have to stand trial.” (Matthew 5:21-22)

What???? Anger equal to the act of murder, well yeah! Maybe not in the capital punishment arena but most definitely in the area God looks at. How could this be? I mean I get angry a lot! Well it’s not as much the emotion of anger but the planting of that seed in your heart and the cultivating of that anger into hate! It’s in the court of the heart that man made courts have not authority, but God’s court reigns supreme.

“The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)

See God is always looking at the heart of the matter, the core of a human. For He knows it is that which produces what is on the outside that men and women observe. He looks into the heart and sees murder (the physical act) in the form a seed called anger. Physical killing, mental damming or emotional judgment starts in the heart when one becomes so overwhelmed with unchecked anger that they must have a release of that anger, they must vent it. So the hanis act of murder starts in the same place as the emotion of anger.

So if they both have the same starting point, where does the path split differ? I think it’s how you vent your anger.

“A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” (Proverbs 29:11)

Notice the Scripture says “FULL VENT”…hummm a clue! It does not say a “fool vents” his anger instead the emphasis is on the manner in which we control or check that anger against something greater!

Let’s face it everyone gets angry, even Jesus did! But His anger was different. He was operating in a righteous anger that was unsinful. Often our anger crosses the line into sin. The Scripture says that only a “fool” lets his/her anger vent out of control. I believe that is where we cross the line, where the path splits or differs and the act of murder begins, murder in one’s emotion.

Whether it is through pre-mediated killing, mercy-killings, abortion, suicide or living with hate in our hearts it all is a product of anger vented in the wrong path. Instead we are told by the Bible to do something more productive with our anger, to use it to drive us towards righteous acts and right living. Let me say, it is possible to operate in anger that is healthy, that does not cross the line.

“In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, (Ephesians 4:26)

Instead the typical “vent” is in retribution or in getting even for something that we find wrong and thus cross the line. You might ask me, “well where is the line?” That’s a good question and one I don’t believe is defined in a post, article or book. For many years I struggled with anger that I gave “full vent” to. I never murdered anyone physically but I did violate Jesus’ teachings many times when I would say “I wish they were dead” or secretly hated them in my heart. In the court room of my heart I knew I had been found guilty of showing the venom of unchecked anger.

The best I can tell you is to study the above Scriptures and have them on your heart and mind when you get angry. That way you can then ask God; “am I crossing the line?” Your spirit will then cry out in a warning, a warning that tells us to be more cautious with your anger and place it in check every time. Over time you will learn where that line is and in your anger you will stop sinning. In the meantime make sure to not let any act of anger go un-examined, don’t squash the little voice of warning. Let forgiveness and love reign in more abundance in your life and don’t let the sun go down until you clearly identify the line. Be as passionate about controlling your anger as you are about letting it out!
“Heavenly Father, through the Holy Spirit I pray they would learn how to apply only righteous anger in their lives, offer and receive forgiveness and love. That You would teach them how to be angry and not sin. In Jesus Name…Amen!”

HONOR YOUR PARENTS

Principle number 5, HONOR YOUR PARENTS

In today’s view of the home and parenting it is almost offensive to say what is stated above. The actual honoring of the parental position of the home is more in theory than in practicality today. In an age of questioning authority, personal entitlement and downright selfish rebellion the parental role has been disavowed and often shoved to a Tuesday night sitcom in which it also gets little praise.

Now I know I am being harsh, but my harshness does not come from being a victim thus I am trying to find healing by spewing my own venom, but from a hurt/healed background and from the heart of a father. I am privilege to raise two grand, spectacular children and so I have seen it from both sides. The side of the child and the side of the parent.

Come to think if it, I bet you have as well. I know all of you where a child at one point and most of you grew up to be a parent or at least have dealt with children in your life. So we have our good stories, our bad stories and the ones that we remember when we crack open the scrapbook. Maybe those stories come from a good family environment and so you don’t struggle with this one as much. But maybe those stories come from dads that were never present or abusive. Maybe they come from moms that could not or would not care for you even strung out on their own pain. So you struggle with this idea, even to the point of not reading past my first line.

“No, I could never honor that person….what they did to me was so disgusting that the best I could hope for is to tolerate them!” Let me say that I am sorry if you have gone through this much pain and rejection. Let me also say that Jesus is the same yesterday, today and He will be tomorrow. He is trustworthy, loving, and will remain in your life past all human failure! Trust in Him and release your pain today, you won’t regret it! But also don’t be fooled that your broken home was the reason why you did not honor your parents, I have known many a good home in which the “sliver-spoon” children failed to honor their parents even though their parents did little to deserve such disrespect. Additionally I have known people that come from those broken homes that have found a place of healing and a place of honor for their parents that dishonored them.

How, how does one start this process? To answer the question, let me first celebrate with you because if you genuinely asked the question you have already taken your first step. AWESOME!

The next step it to look at yourself and stop blaming them for your life. That’s victimization and it’s the opposite of honor. It will cause you to be weak in mind and in spirit and will keep you from admission of what you have done. Yep, I said it, somewhere in the process you played a role in the dishonor. I don’t know what or how much but healing and honor can’t fill the same place as unforgiveness and bitterness. You have one or the other, you are either coming out of one, or going into the other. The choice is up to you based on what you are willing to admit. And that is honestly where it starts. I know those words are hard to hear because of the pain you carry and the violations that may still exist to this day, but it has to happen for you to get to a place of honor with your parents.

It will get easier with God’s help, which is the second step, you need God’s help with this one! You will need His forgiveness and tenderness to infuse the process. He is a very tender God that will right every wrong done on planet earth. Hear this Scripture:

“A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he leads justice to victory.” (Matthew 12:20)

So while you wrestle with memories and experiences from your painful past or present and choose to lay your hurt and pain at the feet of Jesus you will find strength in the middle of weakness and comfort in the middle of pain. Remember that God tells us in the 5th commandment that doing so will lead to a long life. It includes prosperity, blessing and happiness. It’s the first commandment that comes with a promise! Think about that, it’s so important and God knows it can be so difficult that He gives you a promise to get going.

When you follow God and His principles of life they never fail you, you will always be blessed as a result. Let me pray with you….

“Heavenly Father, I pray today with my friends here that carry dishonor for their parents because of the pain that has been caused from poor parenting. I pray that each of them will first put their pain in your hands today and stop holding on to it and stop wasting energy trying to make their parents pay for their mistakes. Instead I pray with the same passion they would surrender those experiences to you and receive healing. I pray they would have the courage to ask for forgiveness in the areas that you reveal they are also played a part in dishonor. I pray for their parents that they would come to know you Jesus and be saved and renewed. May your precious love flood over them today and show them your ways are right and true. May they apply them wholeheartily without reservation and live a long life. In Jesus Name—amen”

One last statement before I close this evotional. Boundaries with people are very important. You can still honor your parents but keep them to the boundaries you have established, notice I did not say walls! Boundaries define where and how the relationship will work, those are for each human being regardless of age. So you can honor them, not for what they do or have done, but simply because God choose them to bring you into the world.