How would you answer the following question: “What’s the Biggest Mistake Your Can Make?” I am sure answers would abound from across the spectrum. I would chime in that at least in the top ten biggest mistakes you could make, next to eating apple jacks instead of corn pops, would be marrying the wrong person. Volkswagen made a classic commercial a few years ago on the sticky subject of marrying the wrong person. Point blank – if you do not marry well, you will not live well. And it is through that emotional treadmill of living day to day with someone we don’t love that we start to look for relief. And since sexual fulfillment is a very core basic need you and I often look to that to release some stress and feel better about our poor situations. So we might take a casual glance at a tightly wrapped body walking by, do a google search for videos, or find a person that will understand where we are coming from. And in those little decisions that stem from our hearts we make the biggest mistakes of our lives. Sure we find ways to hide them, to keep them away from our personal headlines, but eventually we will miss step and it will come out. “For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.” (Luke 8:17) Nothing, ouch! That means every bad decision you have made in your life the past will eventually be exposed. The physical affair, or emotional affair will come out! My old pastor used to say “there is no such thing as a secret!” So true! I added to it, there is only time of disclosure! Just give it enough time and what you thought no one would ever know is now known by everyone! See the stuff we have to do when no one is looking is the makings of our biggest mistakes. We think we can do something and get away with it but we forget that the one who created everything keeps His eye on us. “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” (Hebrews 4:13) When I read that as a teen…well let’s just say it messed me up. Because up to that point in my life I was making decisions that needed to be kept secret, otherwise I would have never done them. And right there is the point. If you are about to do something and question if you should do it, a good filter is simply this: “how would I react if it was known for all to see?” My guess those bad decisions done in secret would clean up real fast!!! Because if you have to hide it, chances are it’s not a good idea! Run away from it! Pulling back from the panoramic life view and focusing back on marriage, one thing is for sure: “It’s only as good as you are putting into it!” Marriage is much more than a piece of paper tucked away in a filing cabinet or a “status” on your tax return. It’s a framework in which gives you the best opportunity to live out God’s standards. Your vows where not to each other, but to God and He is telling you it was not a list of rules but an expression of your hope, intention, purpose and promise. It’s a binding covenant. So, next time you find yourself exacerbated at your wife, or feel defeated in terms of maintaining your enthusiasm for the union, take a moment and remember your marriage vows. If we will remember our covenants in the context of commitment beyond feelings then your marriage becomes very difficult to betray.
Here are 10 ways to joyfully keep your marriage vows (from All-Pro Dad –written for guys but I think you ladies can get some good stuff from it as well :-)
1. Continually reaffirm your love: Immediately, within moments of reading this, contact your wife and tell her you are so grateful she married you and that she is the light of your life.
2. Love your wife with fierceness and determination: “Fierce” in this context means with passion. Passion, like love, often relies on intention before it gets going under its own steam.
3. Learn this definition of “faithfulness” by heart: Faithfulness means fidelity, constancy, dependability, dedication, loyalty, trueness, advocacy and – here it is again – determination.
4. Find your favorite picture of you and your wife together, put it in a new frame, and place it on your desk: Then, take a photograph of your desk and send it to your wife along with a soppy love note
5. Write out the marriage vows, in your best handwriting, in a letter to your wife: Learn this and learn it well. Handwritten notes are golden. Tell her how much these vows mean to you. Then get home early.
6. Break the vows down into bullet points (yeah, just like a guy!): Then, every day, do something profound to support each point until you’ve gone through them all. Then, start over.
7. Paraphrase your vows into a new, contemporary, document: For example, if you said, “for richer for poorer,” you might write, “I’m committed to you no matter what; if this house was repossessed tomorrow I’d still have a home because you are my home…”
8. Understand that the definition of love is not the same as the definition of infatuation: Long-term commitment is the most profound expression of love. If you’re looking for hormones to drive the relationship, you will both be increasingly disappointed. When commitment leads the way, infatuation takes care of itself.
9. Calculate the number of days you have been married, write the number down, then ask your wife on a date to celebrate the number! Joy is most often found in the small things. Take note of these small things, then relate them to the initial set of vows.
10. Make your own “Top-10” list: Write down ten ways that being married and keeping your promises has bought happiness, peace and joy into your life. Then share the list with your wife.
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