Lonely or Alone?

I can just hear the words of the king of rock and roll singing, “Are you lonesome tonight, do you miss me tonight…” The flagship song of a lonely life when two people are apart. Often that story plays out in a dependent relationship in which the words of Jerry McGuire ring forth “you complete me” indicating that with that person in your life you are somehow perfect.

So let’s do the math, take one Imperfect person and add another imperfect person and presto you get two perfect people???? Nah it just does not add up. So why do we approach our dating relationships with such a burden? Well we have forgotten that while we are all imperfect it’s not up to another person to make you better. That job is left up to God.

Rewind the tape thousands and thousands of years ago. There was a man made in the image of God and the Bible describes him like this:

“The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." (Genesis 2:18)

“To be alone”, hummm that’s interesting. Up to this point Adam had no dating prospects, no bird on the wire, no bachelorettes. It was just him and he was, as the Bible says, “alone”. Now God calls that “not good” but does not say that being alone is sinful or somehow Adam was incomplete.

Pastor Paul what are you getting at? Well nowadays we confuse being “alone” with “Lonely”. Often we are alone in life (I am currently away on a trip while writing this and am alone) but we don’t have to be lonely. Adam was not lonely he was just alone.

God made Adam complete in every way just as He eventually made Eve complete in every way. Loneliness came on the scene when sin entered the world. Loneliness is an indicator that inside something is missing. We know it and often the person we are dating knows that a hole of imperfection is crying on the inside. Trying to fill that hole with another’s imperfection is a waste of time, instead seek first God and His life. As you do He will lead you to wholeness so that you're not lonely anymore just maybe alone.

Once you’re there, then God can bring the right help mate so that you won’t be alone. God handles the loneliness, other people just keep you company. What part of your life is missing or incomplete? Offer that to God today.

Just The Two Of Us

Relationships are a mystery in many ways. They set us free but they also tie us down. They provide the greatest joy and can also pass out prolific pain. We long for a relationship that is fulfilling but struggle to find the fullness. Over the years of being around my wife I have learned a thing or two, like not to do the laundry (cause I always mess it up). But the best lesson did came from God BEFORE we said “I do”.

The Bible says…
(Proverbs 27:18) “He who tends a fig tree will eat its fruit…”

When I read that passage I was on a prayer and fasting retreat asking God about my future. (BTW a good idea to seek God about your tomorrows) It struck me that the type and condition of my relationships are a direct reflection of my effort to care for them. Until I saw this I thought relationships and marriage were a mixture of finding the right person, luck and a little providence. I still believe in God’s providence but once He lights the way it’s up to us to walk that path and stick to it. Luck as nothing to do with a healthy marriage and finding that “sole mate” is not a critical as we think it is.

Instead we seek God for our spouse and when we find that potential person our “courting” time (evotional to follow on dating) becomes our first chance to apply the “tending principle” from Proverbs 27.

Some of us have approached our marriages thinking it’s about how the other person serves me and some of you have lived this out so much that your current marriage relationship is a dead, withered tree. Instead of realizing you have not watered, nurtured and cared for the tree, you just stand there yelling at the tree waiting for it to produce some fruit for your enjoyment. For years I would do this, I would say emotionally and sometimes verbally, “I am going to withhold my care, compliments and concern for you until you give me what I want FIRST!”

And there it is, a selfish motive, remember Jesus did not come to be served, but to serve. Marriages are one of the best blessings you will ever have in life as long as the two of you apply the “tending principle.” Why not try it this week, tend to your spouses needs, care for him or her and see the effects of the water soaking the ground. Don’t expect fruit right away, keep giving into your relationship and in due season it will produce something for you.

I'm In a hurry

Growing up in my home a common phrase was said at the dinner table, “starving people would be excited to eat those green beans”. What my mom was trying to express was that I was blessed and that it was foolish to waist anything. Is there anything worse than waste?

Wasting food, personal talent, creative ideas is sad, but what is worse is when you waste time. Each day provides the gift of time, time to spend with God, to spend at work, to spend with family and friends. See we say that we “spend” time which implies that you and I exchange our God given time for something.

So what do you exchange your time for? Do you exchange it with laziness, selfishness, or addictions? Our devotions can often keep us from investing our time in efforts that will out last our own personal lifetimes. Because we don’t realize the value of what we are exchanging our lives and time for we often pack each day with as much as possible. But we don’t stop there, we also put more on our lists than we could do and turn the speed dial up.

Like in a bad Keanu Reeves movie we must slow down to make the right time exchanges. So how do we slow down? Let me tell you it’s not clearing your schedule – that’s a superficial band aide and usually you can always find replacement activities very quickly. No, instead you have to deal with the root issue of why are you so driven.

You need to ask yourself some very frank questions
Will having more make me happier?
Will doing more make me happier?
Will having more activities make me happier?

The answer is no – it will not – we must deal with our discontent.

(Proverbs 14:30) “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.”

You cannot be relaxed and envious at the same time, so today and for the rest of your life you need to ask God for peace and be willing to change as He requires you to stop the push for more. Are you willing?

Moving Forward

Walking with God can come with many obstacles. The world may throw a few your way and satan chimes in frequently but the biggest violator is me. Often I am my own worst enemy. The apostle Paul understood this when he said: "...I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?" (Romans 7:23-24)

I stumble and usually I fall. Why? Well my abilities to resist are weak at best and I usually put myself in the worst possible scenario for sin. Take ocean waves for an example. If you have ever stood in the ocean you know that no matter how hard you try to resist their force there is a wave out there that has your name on it. Usually it's the rogue wave you don't see coming, but make no mistake you will be wiped off of your feet at some point if you stay in the water long enough. To avoid being knocked down by the wave you have to remove yourself from the ocean entirely.

And that is my point. As long as we are in the world, just like standing in the ocean, we will eventually get knocked down. The rogue wave with our name written on it is coming. This is a huge problem in making progress in our walk with God. Instead of asking for forgiveness and learning from the event we get frustrated and angry and start shutting down emotionally. If we don't stop we risk shutting down every dream, hope and vision for our lives. We risk getting stuck, losing our Godly momentum. Instead of getting out of the ocean we try to stand in the ocean and fight the waves. Big mistake!

I want to encourage you today to grow in your faith and in your relationship with God. To do this you have to draw closer to Him which means you have to have less of this world and more of Him. The choice is yours, stand in and fight that which is stronger than you or give up so you can grow up in the one that calms the waves!

"He must become greater; I must become less." (John 3:30)