Billable Me!

Attorneys have something called billable hours. It’s where you pay them by the hour, and they build a case and just bill it hour after hour. They will let you talk about anything because it billable. Then you look at the bill and you go, “Wow!”

Unforgiveness is the same thing, when people hurt us. We have these billable hours and we’re just building a case against our ex, our former best friend, or that person that totally just messed me around in the business deal. We build the case, and we tell our friends about it. “Wah, wah, wah. Wah, wah, wah. Wah, wah, wah.” And the currency that we pay for the billable hours is an emotional currency. It zaps our energy. It keeps us strapped to unforgiveness, and it messes us up because unforgiveness it’s unforgiving.

You see, this whole unforgiveness thing is difficult because we like to hold onto it. It’s fun. It gives us the rush, a buzz. God says, though, “I want you by my power and my grace to do something that swims against the current of your instincts, that flies in the face of everything you want to do naturally.” Unleashing unforgiveness is unnatural and there are certain barriers that keep us linked up to unforgiveness.

THE SELF-DECEPTION BARRIER

We just say, “You know, what I did to that person is no big deal. Man, they totally overreacted. They’re an emotional basket case, anyway. It wasn’t that big of a deal. It was a long time ago.” Or we say, “What my mother did to me…? Yes, she was an alcoholic, but it didn’t really affect me, you know. I’ve just brushed that under the rug. I’ve swept it under the rug. It doesn’t affect me. Yeah, what that coach, what that teacher said to me during my childhood and stuff…? The stuff that happened doesn’t really affect me today. I mean, I’m telling you it doesn’t. Everything’s fine in my life. I’m fine.” Be very careful. That’s a barrier.

THE SELF-DEFENSE BARRIER

This is the one that we love, it’s probably our favorite one. We say, “I’m going to get you back. You messed me around. You hurt me. I’m going to get you back.” Have you ever stopped to realize this? Forgiveness is a great act of faith, because what we’re doing when we say, “Debt canceled. I forgive you. I release you..” What we’re doing is we’re saying, “God, you are the ultimate judge. God, I give the situation to you. You are going to take care of this person better than I can. God, I trust you.”

That’s why

(Romans 12:19) “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”

THE SELF-IMAGE BARRIER

This one we say, “Hey, if you think I’m going to admit that I was wrong or I’m going to admit that they messed me around you’re wrong. I mean I’m up here and I’d have to lower myself. They might think less of me and they might think this or that about me.” Let me tell you something. We are at our strongest when we admit the obvious to God and to others. We are in a great position of strength and influence when we say, “Debt canceled. I forgive.”

THE SELF-PROTECTION BARRIER

The last barrier to unforgiveness is the protection barrier. “I’m just going to protect myself,” you’re saying to yourself right now. And a lot of you are breaking out into a cold sweat just thinking about having to do the forgiveness work that needs to be done. You get nervous thinking about sitting across the table from someone who’s harmed you or maybe you’ve harmed them or sitting in someone’s family room and saying, “I was wrong. Will you forgive me?” Talking to a spouse or a child or anyone else just messes with your mind. Don’t let it be so.

I know unleashing unforgiveness is unnatural. I know that. God, though, wants to do the work. God wants to release all of us so we can discover the totality and the freedom and the joy and this all comprehensive love that he has for all of us.

I’m going to ask you to do something. I’m going to ask you to take your hands right now and just make a fist and bow your heads for a moment. I’ve found it vital to do some things physically as just signs, as reminders to myself and as signs to God that I’m doing this stuff. So I want your clenched fist to represent something you’re holding on to. What kind of unforgiveness are you holding on to? What kind of resentment, what kind of anger are you dealing with? You know what the word “forgive” in the Bible means? “To release.” It means “to hurl.” Not to throw up, but to let go. Do you know what the word resentment means? It means to think again. And so many of us are thinking again and again and again about the person or persons who have hurt us. It could be someone you’ll see tomorrow morning at work. It could be, again, a family member. It could be someone who passed away a long time ago.

Right now, as just a physical sign to ourselves and to God, let’s just unclench our fists and say, “God, I forgive them. I release them. Debt canceled.” And by saying this, just say this, “God, I’m not minimizing what’s happened. I’m not minimizing it. I’m just doing what you want me to do so I can discover the best that you have for me. Because, God, you have an awesome agenda that you want to lead me through, and I know the only way to do it is by living a life of forgiveness. God, unleashing unforgiveness is unnatural, but because of your power, I know it’s supernatural and I just open up my hands to you.” Just do that physically. Say, “God, I let go. God, I let go. God, I let go.”

The Mother Load

CS LEWIS said “Think of me as the fellow patent, who having being admitted a little earlier, could offer some advice.”

So what advice would he offer? I think he would say, just like you, I have been through situations that people have burned me, hurt me and caused pain in my life. People have disappointed me and I have even had experiences where I thought it would consume my life. I have been at the end of my rope, biting people’s heads off. My blessings have turned to blisters of burdens and I want to go off the deep end. He and countless others might say that, geez if your human you’ll say something like this sometime.

Each day is filled with stress and pressure. We all carry loads in life, but there is a difference between being under a load and being at the point of structure failure. James tells us that we can live life well under pressure; actually he speaks of a joy that comes when under a load (James 1). So, it is possible to live with pressure, be healthy and gain Godliness. But usually our loads are from the wrong pressures and most of us are at the point of structural failure. We carry the wrong loads!

As a kid I remember seeing my mom do many things, help me with school, prepare my meals, give me money, work a professional career at the only bank in town and on top of all of that she became her own entrepreneur by starting and growing successfully the only flower shop in our small USA town (all others failed before her). That shop always amazed me and I know she carried many loads I did not notice. But one I did was her deep desire to see her kids serve Jesus.

As her grown up son, I am doing my best to follow the risen Lord that she still serves today. As a leader in my own right I know there has been many people that I have had unforgiveness towards and I am certain my mom had her fair share as well.

When it comes down to it we all have this choice to make. We are going to carry loads but which one will we carry? Will it be the load of responsibility, failure and success, progress and growth or the load of blaming, anger, frustration, envy and malice. The difference between the two is forgiveness. If you and I don’t forgive we risk loads of structural failure. Relationships that once were a blessing now become a burden. Unforgiveness causes us to clamp down on freedoms and we seek our selfish ambitions through efforts of control. And even your relationship with God will suffer under the control load of unforgiveness.

Oh an on top of all that it WILL affect your body! Don’t ask me how, (that’s for a doctor to explain) but I have seen too many sour faces, slumped over postures, and sickly people to rationalize it away. Maybe that is why this story links the two together, forgiveness and physical health:

(Matthew 9:1-8) “Jesus stepped into a boat, crossed over and came to his own town. ² Some men brought to him a paralyzed man, lying on a mat. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the man, “Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven.” ³ At this, some of the teachers of the law said to themselves, “This fellow is blaspheming!” ⁴ Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said, “Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts? ⁵ Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk’? ⁶ But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.” So he said to the paralyzed man, “Get up, take your mat and go home.” ⁷ Then the man got up and went home. ⁸ When the crowd saw this, they were filled with awe; and they praised God, who had given such authority to man.

Authority for what? Authority to experience the freedom of forgiveness, the right to be broken free from the shackles of sin. As least think of this last thought, do not forgive people because they deserve it or to make them feel good, you forgive people so you can experience the beauty of forgiven freedom.

Pay at My Pump

Growing up in Strasburg Colorado I vividly remember going to the gas station and seeing these three labels on the pumps, “Regular” “Unleaded” and “Diesel”. That is because up to 1986 gasoline in America had lead in it. It was that year that we banned lead in gasoline. Immediately lead levels in the blood of Americans fell by 80%. But because lead is notorious for not leaving the body, those of us today 25 years later still have 625 times more lead in our blood than people did a century ago (now I know why I keep setting off the metal detectors).

Just like that lead that does not leave our body quickly, past actions can also cause present emotional harm, especially if we keep dousing memories with the gasoline of unforgiveness.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:13-14

Often we don’t forgive because we don’t want to let them off the hook, we want them to feel the same pain we feel. Forgiving someone who has hurt us just doesn’t seem right to us. We desire to keep those levels of unforgiveness floating around in our blood, but in the end it only ends up hurting ourselves and those closest to us.

We need to ban unforgiveness, that natural reaction of hurting others because they hurt us, making them pay at the pump our escalated prices. Let me bring the price down a bit by telling you what forgiveness is not…

1^st it’s not minimizing what happened, what happened was important so important it caused pain and that pain will not go away by just trivializing it.

2^nd it’s not an instant restoration of trust, trust is an earned respect between two humans and is a valuable resource it cannot be just given once taken advantage of.

3^rd it’s not resuming the relationship without changes, there were reasons why the event occurred and those factors need to be addressed and resolved.

We cannot rely on ourselves to do the work of forgiveness. On our own we don’t possess the ability to truly forgive someone of the wrong they have done to us. But God can instill in us that ability to forgive. And for that to happen, we must give our hurt, and anger and resentment to him – we must defer the situation to God and trust that he will take care of it.

This week, let go of the white-knuckle hold on your hate and let God take it. Give the load of hurt, anger and resentment to him and allow his love to transform your heart.